This weekend I spent time thinking about confidence after I came across this article written in The Atlantic. The premise of the piece, written by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, is that women suffer from self-doubt and that feeling confident is just as important as knowing your stuff. The authors have researched the topic extensively since 2009 when they began working on their book, Womenomics (which I have not yet read, but it's now on my list). So while the number of women executives is on the rise, albeit slowly, their research shows that even in these circles of executives, the women are often clouded by a lack of confidence in themselves. The men, not so much.
The article points to research that has shown different traits in women than men that lead them to be confident only when they can do something perfectly. Perfection is not real, though, and its definition is subjective to different people. Some of the traits stem from biological differences between women and men. Women activate their amygdalae (the brain's fear center) more easily than men in response to something negative. This is to say, women are worriers and we overanalyze (I am sure we can all agree with this, I sure do!). The good news is that these feelings of self-doubt and negativity can be reversed as we acquire more confidence.
Image from risenetworks.org
It's important for us women to focus on closing the gap between our confidence and our competence. I learned this early on in my mere 8 years in the working world. I attended graduate school right after attaining my undergraduate degree and therefore had to catch up to what real world work really was like once I graduated with my masters and began working full time. I would do my work as I was told, as quickly and accurately as I could, and I expected to be rewarded for that. I didn't think outside the box or about how my company worked in the big picture, but focused on my immediate deliverables.
After several months I realized that I needed to gain a greater perspective of the company and of how it fit within the context of my industry in order to really participate and be viewed as a valuable player by the firm. My competence level grew, but my confidence had to grow with it just as quickly. For me, the best way to gain confidence was to meet other people in the industry, have conversations with them about relevant and timely topics, and basically put myself out there. This meant within the company as well as outside it at industry networking events. My motto was to fake it (i.e, my confidence) until I believed it.
Competence is something you can learn on the job. You don't have to pass up an opportunity for a new role just because you don't fit every qualification on the list. Chances are many of those you will learn quickly once in that new role. Being ever curious and asking questions is key to gaining that competence. As for confidence, I think that's something that grows internally. As women, we need to let go of over analyzing and flip our thoughts from "I can't do this" to "how can I learn to do this" or "how can I do this better." When I hear from top female managers at my firm, the common thread is that they consider that at some point in their career they have made moves that they viewed as "risky" and been rewarded for it. I take this to mean that they have pushed through those negative over analyzations and created confidence for themselves to make that career move.
It's still going to be hard. There will be people who don't encourage women, but the key is to have the confidence to persevere over those negative people, meaning we need to be strong-willed and take action.
I hope everyone takes action this week and throws away any negative thoughts they might have.
written with love,
Leslie
